Vindication, irony, and a little bit of payback...

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Friends of Mike Huckabee

A little over a month ago, I pondered the far-too-possible and disconcerting prospect that, in its ineffable wisdom, the American Bible-banging right-wing might actually nominate a candidate for the post of Godbotherer-in-Chief. On the eve of the Potomac Primaries (as only those who seem to live outside Maryland, Virginia, and the District of Columbia are calling them), that likelihood is -- thankfully -- virtually gone. But not quite.

At 8:30 with about 50% of the votes counted, they're neck and neck in Virginia. The good news is that, if the Washington Post's fancy maps are to be believed, the major portions remaining to be counted include Northern Virginia counties which are decidedly more moderate and some of the military-laden areas along the Chesapeake Bay. Virginia's a winner-take-all state too. I'm beginning to regret my anti-Hillary vote for Obama, who has quite literally whooped Hill-dog's ass. I should have stuck with my "cancel-out-a-conservative" strategy and voted for McCain. If he loses by one vote, I'll be feeling terribly guilty.

Not a conservative.

In the bigger picture, however, things are looking up. Having realized it's his own money he's pissing away on a longshot (viz., his own candidacy), Mitt's seen the light and called it a day. The GOP is slowing coming to grips with John McCain as the presumptive nominee, yet Mike Huckabee is still lurking. The most gratifying aspect of all of this is that the evangelical conservatives are getting their comeuppance. Blind, knee-jerk, it's everyone else's fault give me everything I want and reduce mah taxes 'cause I'm gonna git to heaven without dyin' conservatism has run out of gas. What emanated from guys like Adam Smith and Friedrich Hayek has been bastardized to the point of unprincipled unrecognizability. Hell, the only Hayek these people know has big tetas and an accent. In fact, I'm relishing Pat Buchanan's desperate hand-wringing as he contemplates a little political hari-kari. Assholes.

In a pleasant turn of irony, I just spent the last hour watching Tony Bourdain's No Reservations, an hour-long feature on the Travel Channel where the iconoclastic executive chef of New York's Brasserie Les Halles visits some fantastic places and enjoys culture and cuisine that is well off the beaten path. This week's episode finds him on the Texas-Mexico border. The message is clear: everyone he speaks to -- from politicians to tour guides to the cooks he meets on both sides of the border are against The Great Big Wall and see the issue of immigration as being far more nuanced than the inane amnesty versus punishment rhetoric spouted principally by people who've never met a Mexican and aren't the least bit affected by the issue at all. Gee. What a surprise.

News flash: 9:20pm ET - The Washington Post is calling it for McCain in Virginia. There's are times when, in moments of extreme vitriol, I launch into an obscenity-laden tirade that ends in "and I hope they nominate Huckabee so they get fucked in the general election," but even I have to find cause for optimism. Because maybe -- just maybe -- the vast majority of the American voting public will have an election that's not about voting against someone, but voting for someone instead.

I will not be holding my breath though.